Recap

Over the past couple of weeks I've been pretty out of it. Most likely because, as usual, I have over scheduled myself. I am working two jobs which equal a little over full time (45 hours/ week plus some weekends), am taking 15 law credits, go to the gym six times a week for an hour, try to see my friends at least once a week, try to get to see my boy outside of work at least once a week, am Minister of Minors for my barony, and am in the middle of interviewing to become a DC Teaching Fellow. I also want to eat and sleep somewhere in there.
I need to cut down, but what's going to go? All non-essentials. So, first thing to be cut is gym workouts until my schedule opens up a bit more. Next, all SCA events where I am not in charge of something. After that? One of my classes is done next week so I can get some extra time there, but I can't cut anything else. If I get rid of my friends, I go crazy, already am only seeing them once a week. If I don't see the boy, I'm distinctly unhappy.

More about the boy.
He's wonderful, charming, witty, sarcastic, smart, funny, sensitive, very moral, and cute to boot. He's also shy, physically reserved and just as busy as I am. He and I have an emotionally entangled, non-sexual relationship. How non-sexual, you ask. He hasn't kissed me yet. I know, shock and awe. I've been on 6 dates in a month with a guy who hasn't kissed me yet. This is, strange. More than strange, it is unprecedented. I haven't had a non sexual relationship with someone since junior year of high school. And that worked out well, right?

I am a physical touch kind of girl. It's my dominant language according to that 5 love languages test thingy, with as many points in the category as possible (12). Please believe that I like quality time and acts of service (which he's really good at) but I feel insecure in a relationship if there's little or no physical touch. I just got him comfortable with hugging, so kissing is going to be a challenge, which is a bit of a trouble. My friendships are highly based on touch. I hug everyone and kiss my closest friends.

Because we're so non-sexual, this could very easily be seen as a friendship, in a certain light. I'm more sexual with my closest friends than with him. Tigger and I flirt constantly and we're friends, only because distance poses more of a problem than either of us can fix, but he and I talk about sex, and sexually, much more than M and I. I want M and I to work out. I want to be with him, and I'm half in love with him. Only half because the other half is convinced that he's just not that into me. To resolve this he has until the 1st to kiss me or I ask if I can kiss him. That's one full month of dating, seven dates, hours of phone calls and texts (of which I apparently take more of his phone time than his family and best friend combined) for him to figure out if he wants to kiss me. After that, I'm asking him. If he says no, that at the very least I know where I stand with him and know to move on. If he says yes, then that's something and he has until the 15th to figure out what we're doing.

I just want to know where we stand. If you give me rules, I can follow them, but when I'm unsure of where we stand, I go a little crazy trying to figure it out. And while I've been the agressor in most of this not-relationship thing (asked him out, first make sure we see each other at least once a week outside of work, text him every once in a while to see how his day is going) I'm not forcing him into this. He gets to make up his own mind, I'm just not going to wait forever for him to figure it out.

But I really hope he figures it out.

For Mireille, on her birthday

Between the glasses of Merlot

      and Bodington's
we knew the words we spoke
     should be written
between caesura
     and enjambment

But we lost our thoughts
    between smiles and laughter
All we remembered was
mango sticky rice
               and poetry

Untitled

You, dear sir, give me palpitations,

anxiety-ridden spasms,
gut-wrenching tremblings
of your love.
And these sudden bursts
of belonging
have saved me for you.
For my hesitant invasion
has been only further enticed
by your convulsions.

Untitled

While my friends

may laugh at
my affection for you
before even our
lips have met,
it is because
they do not know
the delicious
provocation when
our hands brush.

Prayer

I have prayed

every night
since we met
that things
would work out
well and while
you are not so
religious as I,
I know that
you are glad of it.