On Love

What is love? I used to think that it was comfort and affection and interest bundled with compatibility. Is it chemicals, coursing through us inducing us to populate the world, not for looking for quality, for intelligence, for beauty but for mere quantity; bear children until the calcium leeches out of your bones and you crumple in upon yourself? If that love? Are fairy tales just warnings to young girls and boys to not expect much out of the world of cruelty but to still hope for more; because without that hope our species will die? Is that my life? My plans, are the all crumpling in upon calcium leeched bones and flesh which once was taut? Will I wish once again, that I were a child, that I could start over, that I could as myself without worry of other impressions? Will I wonder after I’m married if I made a mistake? Will I ever get married? Will I have children that have my eye or my hair or my wry humor? Will I be godmother and maiden aunt to children whom I can hold but never have? Will my writing comfort me in the night as I cry or will it fuel the hurt and need, making me write more, want more, wish more to be more anything more, more beautiful, more brilliant, more sane, more perfect, more lovable, more deserving. Will I live in the desert alone or will someone share it with me, share my solitude, my hurt, my desire. It is raining. Around me I can hear those in my apartment building moving, humming as they sit at their computers and study, listening to music, practicing guitar. Did part of my die when I was so young I could not understand what was happening. Was the part which died the part which knew how to love, knew how to laugh, knew how to be content, blissful, happy, warm, vibrant, leaving only a commanding presence which I have cultivated. I am only a presence now, a ghost with words pouring through my teeth and lips wishing that rhyme or music or thought would solve my life with a smile set to keep them barred in. Am I a ghost of what could be loved?

First Married

She got married in our grandmother’s dress. I was wearing purple. Something I’d only do for her. She was so happy, I was so jealous. T****, my older smarter, taller, thinner, more beautiful, more brilliant, more everything cousin, was radiant. Smiles and tremors and delight. We were putting on make up and I asked her how she knew she loved him. She said they were a team that were comfortable together mutually dependent and independent at the same time. At fourteen, I felt like the dumpy younger sister who had to be forced to show up and a few years later would have her own wedding; for S***** the witnesses would be a justice of the peace and her best friend as she married the boy we never met. T****’s was everything her mother and our gramma could wish for, extravagant by our family’s standards. Traditional, feminine, and modern and brusque at the same time. We did our own make up, made our own dresses, did everything but write the invitations. Now, six years later, the marriage, upon which I have based all of my hope for true love, is crumbling. What am I supposed to do with the mess? I have no doubt that Tirza will find someone who suits her. She is beautiful and smart and shy and assertive. She is Dr. T**** L***** of the South Carolina L*****s, daughter of the State Archaeologist and a Doctor of Philosophy in psychology. She is perfect. Everything a man can dream of. If she has no chance of happiness than I am even worse off. I who have no skills. I who should have been born in another century. I who have only ever wanted to be married and raising children. What are I, and those like me, to do?

In Response

'"Many of us tried to make monogamy work," Wagner says. But monogamy, she says, often seemed to throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak. Its practitioners would break off "perfectly good relationships" just because of intellectual incompatibility, for example, or because one partner liked ballet and the other liked bowling. Doesn't it make more sense, polys ask, to keep the good parts of a relationship, and find another boyfriend who likes "Swan Lake"?' (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/02/12/AR2008021203072_3.html)

I can understand this articles attempt to explain polyamory in mundane terms, however, it is unrealistic to state that the relationships are based solely on the need to find other intellectual equals. There is a fundamental difference between the actions and beliefs of those engaged in polyamory and those whom practice monogamy. A slight divergence of interests in your partner is the reason many people have friends.  It is perfectly possible to have a monogamous relationship and get some intellectual stimulus from your friends. It is even possible to get physical comfort from these relationships and maintain monogamy. Cuddling, hugging and even kissing in some instances for some people, are non sexual. Therefore, the justification that polyamory is needed due to a disconnect between your favorite movie and theirs is completely worthless. I am not making a judgment call on polyamory, just like GLBTQ and religion, just because I don't agree or understand does not make it bad. My issue instead is that practice of justification which this article exemplifies. Do not say that the simple and only reason you are poly is a need to find intellectual equals because it is the worst type of bullshit I have ever heard. Instead state the truth, that you are poly because it is a lifestyle which appeals to you for multiple reasons and on multiple levels. No, it is not just about sex, not it is not just about relationships, and most certainly not, it is not just about finding people whom share your interests.


I apologize if I seem rude, but unfortunately this article appeared, at least to some extent, to be a self-rewarding, inaccurate, piece of tripe which while pretending to attempt understanding instead simply perpetuates the childish beliefs that everyone can have everything they want and it'll all work out. Bull shit.

This response is directed solely at the author of the article and is not intended to personally offend anyone. I am, however, always willing to listen and read your responses.

Obama Wins Virginia!

Barack Obama rang up three more wins over Hillary Clinton in Democratic presidential primaries tonight in Virginia, Maryland and Washington, D.C., pushing his campaign into the lead for the party's nomination.

The sweep of the so-called Potomac primaries marks eight straight wins for the Illinois senator and will give him a firm delegate lead in his competition with Clinton.

Obama, 46, won Virginia's primary with 64 percent of the vote to Clinton's 35 percent, with almost all precincts reporting. He trumped Clinton in nearby Maryland and in the nation's capital of Washington, where he had 76 percent of the vote with about half of the vote in.

(Follow the Fake Cut)