She walks into my office, a drab haired girl whose red and purple shirt makes her look like a bruise on the blue-hued walls by the door. She purposefully bumps into the table as she trudges to her seat. She slouches as she sits down, crossing her arms and trying desperately to frown.
"Hello, Madeline."
"Maddie. I'm Maddie."
"Yes, alright. Your mother asked me to discuss with you your plans for the future."
"I don't have plans for the future. Mom lets Dad decide my life and I just have to follow through on it." She sits back up and leans on the chair's back. "Dad wants me to be this big important scientist or something. He says I'm just wasting my potential, that I have to be practical, have to be able to support myself because he doesn't want to have to support me when I'm an adult." She shrugged. "Like it's not Mom's money I'd be wasting anyway."
"Do you know why he wants you to be practical?"
"He acts like it's 'cause he wants me to be successful, wants me to be happy. Like he gives a shit."
"Is there any reason you think otherwise?"
"Look, it's not like I'm not sure he cares, I just don't think I'll be my 'happiest possible self' working as some lab rat. I already know the meaning of life I even know the question."
I raise my eyebrow at her Douglas Addams reference. "Do you have any favorite books?"
"What's that got t'do with my plans for life?"
"Nothing. I was just hoping we could discuss something you were willing to talking about."
She shakes her head, glances at the clock and shrugs. "Sure why not? My favorite book is Dune but I like the Hitchhiker series and Anita Blake too. I really like Anne Rice but I can't stand the movie version of her 2nd and 3rd books. It totally skipped over his life and messed up the parts that were included and you know what sucks? It had her backing. I don't know. It's like some sorta betrayal or something."
"Why do you think that?" I ask.
"Well, like, you think you know how it's gonna be and then its not nearly as good as you hoped. It's like waiting so long to get your first kiss and then gagging 'cause the guy shoved his tongue down your throat."
"Have you had your first kiss?"
She rolls her eyes at me. "Look Lady, I'm seventeen, its not like I don't know what sex is."
"Have you ever had sex?"
"No, but not for my lack of trying."
"Really?"
"Yea, every time I find the one guy who's decent enough, Dad manages to catch me or ground me. Its like he's a fucking psychic or something."
I look at her. Maybe another tactic. "What color are your eyes?"
"Well that's a soup question for you. They're gray. My hair's black. My skin's white and I'm underweight by 13 lbs, anything else you want to know about me? How about the date of my last period? What the fuck are you, my GYN or something?"
"Whom do you relate more towards amongst your parents?"
"Mom."
"And why is that?"
"'Cause Dad's an overbearing narrow-minded ISTJ."
"And you consider yourself a�?"
"I've been an ESTJ for 3 years. I don't figure it's gonna change anytime soon."
"Alright, let's try something new. Word association. I say a word and you give an immediate verbal response."
"Mother."
"Leave."
"Family."
"Me."
"Future."
"The."
"School."
"Fuck."
"Tree."
"Alone."
My eyebrow shoots up. "You have such interesting associations, Maddie."
***
"Your daughter seems to be a relatively normal teenager."
Her mother tenses and places her hands in her lap. "Then why would her school say that she had emotional problems?"
"Many school systems are overly worried in an attempt to reduce suits to the school for a suicide or an assault." I look up from my notebook. The father has leaned forward and seems to be very much in charge of the relationship, his wife cries to create space between them but fails.
"Are you saying that she got pulled into the office because they were worried we would sue if they didn't?"
I nod. "Almost exactly, Mr. Cummings. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your daughter other than a dislike of authority and an uncertainty of her future plans."
He clenches his hands between his legs as he leans toward me. "Look, Ms�?"
"Walker. Doctor Walker."
"Ms. Walker. I was a psychology major myself. She obviously has problems. She might be a borderline personality or even bipolar. There is a history of mental illness in the family." I look at him. He seems almost desperate for there to be something wrong so it isn't truly his fault if something happens.
"Sir, 20 years ago homosexuality was considered a mental illness. Ten years ago, everyone was thought to be Manic-Depressive. Five years ago, a record number of children were on drugs due to a supposed chemical imbalance or mental illness. Now we find out that the drugs we gave them were only band-aids that when pulled away ripped the wound afresh. I am most certainly hesitant to say that a girl is a sociopath personality because she doesn't identify with other people. That is simply part of being a teenager." The father stands and walks out. His wife gets up fussily, apologizing for the need to leave early but he must have had a call on his beeper.
"Ma'am, I would suggest a few group sessions so any family conflicts can be resolved." She nods and scurries out the door. I lean back in my chair.
"Yuppies."
***
Maddie sits in the plush red chair, nearly swallowed and looking like a bruise again in navy and black. Her mother sits in the middle of the couch opposite my chair. The father is a gaping hole.
"Maddie, are there any topics you would like to discuss with your mother?"
Her mother leans forward slightly. "I'm so sorry John couldn't be here. I know he would have wanted to be."
"Mom, be quiet." Maddie mutters from the chair. She slouches so much that her chin rests on her chest.
"Madeline, sit up straight." Maddie glares at her before sliding butt first down the chair to the floor.
"Nothing?" I interrupt. "Alright, I think it would beneficial if your future was discussed."
"You mean my lack-thereof?" She gets back into the chair, this time leaning against the arm on the side furthest from her mother. "I don't see the point of going to college."
Her mother starts. "Of course you'll go to college. There aren't any careers for high school graduates."
"And study what, Mom? Physics? I like science but I'm not that smart."
Her mother sits up straighter and says primly "I thought you wanted to go into English and become a teacher or an editor or a writer or� something."
"Like Dad would ever let me do that. There isn't any benefit to the family for me to be n English teacher." Her face twists into a sneer and continues with mock shock. "I'd be wasting my potential. I'd be a disgrace. I certainly can't be a homemaker because that isn't a career." She stops and turned to her mother. "Has Dad ever had to pick up a dish in his life? Ever cooked a meal? Ever changed a diaper? It doesn't pay well but it's a job, and it's something I'd enjoy. But no, I can't do that unless I marry so well connected man who can support me and my lack of a career. I can't become a teacher because they don't pay nearly enough to live on. Imagine being able to live on $30,000 a year with no husband. Because of course I must have a husband or a long-term fianc�e with a marriage arranged for a few months after my 23rd birthday because any sooner is distasteful and any later and I might never get married. But you would know all about that wouldn't, Mom? You got married when you were 19."
"Times were different."
"Times were different? My ass. You divorced your first husband because you found out he was an abusive SOB and then married Daddy dearest."
"I don't wish to discuss this."
"No. Of course you don't." She sits back in her chair, arms crossed; hair covering her face. "I just don't want to be practical. I don't want to live like society's watching."
***
She walks into my office, a bright haired girl whose red and black shirt makes her look like a vibrant butterfly on the blue-hued walls by the door. She walks around the table as she waltzes to her seat. She is ramrod straight as she sits down, crossing her arms and trying desperately to smile.
"Hello, Maddie."
"Madeline. I'm Madeline."
"I take it everything is resolved?"
"Of course not."
I raise my eyebrow. "But you are at least resigned to your fate."
"I'll go into chemistry. I enjoy it and if college proves that it doesn't suit me, by the end of the first semester I'll be 18 and Father will have no say."
"What would you go into instead?"
"I don't know, maybe the military. I would let me travel and tell me what I'm good at. And afterward I can always leave if I don't like it."
I cock my head to one side. "So that's it? Everything is roses?"
"I'm dating this really great guy."
"And that makes it perfect?" I lean forward in my chair. "Maddie, when are you going to learn that having other people in control of your life isn't going to solve anything. It will make you more angry and more cowardly. Take a big step. Be yourself. Not what you think society is forcing you or what you know your parents are forcing you to be. Just be Maddie. Stop looking in the mirror and just live. You said once you didn't want to have a practical life. Then don't have a practical life. Have a fantastical life have a horrifying life, have whatever type of life you want to have. You are not your parent's child you are your own person, now start acting like it." I look down at her. She's biting her cuticles and cracking her knuckles. "The real world's a scary place, but it's that much scarier when you trudge your way through it. Who says clouds can't be solid?" I bend down in front of her, "Who says you can't live happily ever after?"
I stand up and open the door. "You need to live for yourself. So start living."
She gets up from the chair and walks slowly through the door. She turns with her hand on the jamb and says, "Thanks."
"Hello, Madeline."
"Maddie. I'm Maddie."
"Yes, alright. Your mother asked me to discuss with you your plans for the future."
"I don't have plans for the future. Mom lets Dad decide my life and I just have to follow through on it." She sits back up and leans on the chair's back. "Dad wants me to be this big important scientist or something. He says I'm just wasting my potential, that I have to be practical, have to be able to support myself because he doesn't want to have to support me when I'm an adult." She shrugged. "Like it's not Mom's money I'd be wasting anyway."
"Do you know why he wants you to be practical?"
"He acts like it's 'cause he wants me to be successful, wants me to be happy. Like he gives a shit."
"Is there any reason you think otherwise?"
"Look, it's not like I'm not sure he cares, I just don't think I'll be my 'happiest possible self' working as some lab rat. I already know the meaning of life I even know the question."
I raise my eyebrow at her Douglas Addams reference. "Do you have any favorite books?"
"What's that got t'do with my plans for life?"
"Nothing. I was just hoping we could discuss something you were willing to talking about."
She shakes her head, glances at the clock and shrugs. "Sure why not? My favorite book is Dune but I like the Hitchhiker series and Anita Blake too. I really like Anne Rice but I can't stand the movie version of her 2nd and 3rd books. It totally skipped over his life and messed up the parts that were included and you know what sucks? It had her backing. I don't know. It's like some sorta betrayal or something."
"Why do you think that?" I ask.
"Well, like, you think you know how it's gonna be and then its not nearly as good as you hoped. It's like waiting so long to get your first kiss and then gagging 'cause the guy shoved his tongue down your throat."
"Have you had your first kiss?"
She rolls her eyes at me. "Look Lady, I'm seventeen, its not like I don't know what sex is."
"Have you ever had sex?"
"No, but not for my lack of trying."
"Really?"
"Yea, every time I find the one guy who's decent enough, Dad manages to catch me or ground me. Its like he's a fucking psychic or something."
I look at her. Maybe another tactic. "What color are your eyes?"
"Well that's a soup question for you. They're gray. My hair's black. My skin's white and I'm underweight by 13 lbs, anything else you want to know about me? How about the date of my last period? What the fuck are you, my GYN or something?"
"Whom do you relate more towards amongst your parents?"
"Mom."
"And why is that?"
"'Cause Dad's an overbearing narrow-minded ISTJ."
"And you consider yourself a�?"
"I've been an ESTJ for 3 years. I don't figure it's gonna change anytime soon."
"Alright, let's try something new. Word association. I say a word and you give an immediate verbal response."
"Mother."
"Leave."
"Family."
"Me."
"Future."
"The."
"School."
"Fuck."
"Tree."
"Alone."
My eyebrow shoots up. "You have such interesting associations, Maddie."
***
"Your daughter seems to be a relatively normal teenager."
Her mother tenses and places her hands in her lap. "Then why would her school say that she had emotional problems?"
"Many school systems are overly worried in an attempt to reduce suits to the school for a suicide or an assault." I look up from my notebook. The father has leaned forward and seems to be very much in charge of the relationship, his wife cries to create space between them but fails.
"Are you saying that she got pulled into the office because they were worried we would sue if they didn't?"
I nod. "Almost exactly, Mr. Cummings. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your daughter other than a dislike of authority and an uncertainty of her future plans."
He clenches his hands between his legs as he leans toward me. "Look, Ms�?"
"Walker. Doctor Walker."
"Ms. Walker. I was a psychology major myself. She obviously has problems. She might be a borderline personality or even bipolar. There is a history of mental illness in the family." I look at him. He seems almost desperate for there to be something wrong so it isn't truly his fault if something happens.
"Sir, 20 years ago homosexuality was considered a mental illness. Ten years ago, everyone was thought to be Manic-Depressive. Five years ago, a record number of children were on drugs due to a supposed chemical imbalance or mental illness. Now we find out that the drugs we gave them were only band-aids that when pulled away ripped the wound afresh. I am most certainly hesitant to say that a girl is a sociopath personality because she doesn't identify with other people. That is simply part of being a teenager." The father stands and walks out. His wife gets up fussily, apologizing for the need to leave early but he must have had a call on his beeper.
"Ma'am, I would suggest a few group sessions so any family conflicts can be resolved." She nods and scurries out the door. I lean back in my chair.
"Yuppies."
***
Maddie sits in the plush red chair, nearly swallowed and looking like a bruise again in navy and black. Her mother sits in the middle of the couch opposite my chair. The father is a gaping hole.
"Maddie, are there any topics you would like to discuss with your mother?"
Her mother leans forward slightly. "I'm so sorry John couldn't be here. I know he would have wanted to be."
"Mom, be quiet." Maddie mutters from the chair. She slouches so much that her chin rests on her chest.
"Madeline, sit up straight." Maddie glares at her before sliding butt first down the chair to the floor.
"Nothing?" I interrupt. "Alright, I think it would beneficial if your future was discussed."
"You mean my lack-thereof?" She gets back into the chair, this time leaning against the arm on the side furthest from her mother. "I don't see the point of going to college."
Her mother starts. "Of course you'll go to college. There aren't any careers for high school graduates."
"And study what, Mom? Physics? I like science but I'm not that smart."
Her mother sits up straighter and says primly "I thought you wanted to go into English and become a teacher or an editor or a writer or� something."
"Like Dad would ever let me do that. There isn't any benefit to the family for me to be n English teacher." Her face twists into a sneer and continues with mock shock. "I'd be wasting my potential. I'd be a disgrace. I certainly can't be a homemaker because that isn't a career." She stops and turned to her mother. "Has Dad ever had to pick up a dish in his life? Ever cooked a meal? Ever changed a diaper? It doesn't pay well but it's a job, and it's something I'd enjoy. But no, I can't do that unless I marry so well connected man who can support me and my lack of a career. I can't become a teacher because they don't pay nearly enough to live on. Imagine being able to live on $30,000 a year with no husband. Because of course I must have a husband or a long-term fianc�e with a marriage arranged for a few months after my 23rd birthday because any sooner is distasteful and any later and I might never get married. But you would know all about that wouldn't, Mom? You got married when you were 19."
"Times were different."
"Times were different? My ass. You divorced your first husband because you found out he was an abusive SOB and then married Daddy dearest."
"I don't wish to discuss this."
"No. Of course you don't." She sits back in her chair, arms crossed; hair covering her face. "I just don't want to be practical. I don't want to live like society's watching."
***
She walks into my office, a bright haired girl whose red and black shirt makes her look like a vibrant butterfly on the blue-hued walls by the door. She walks around the table as she waltzes to her seat. She is ramrod straight as she sits down, crossing her arms and trying desperately to smile.
"Hello, Maddie."
"Madeline. I'm Madeline."
"I take it everything is resolved?"
"Of course not."
I raise my eyebrow. "But you are at least resigned to your fate."
"I'll go into chemistry. I enjoy it and if college proves that it doesn't suit me, by the end of the first semester I'll be 18 and Father will have no say."
"What would you go into instead?"
"I don't know, maybe the military. I would let me travel and tell me what I'm good at. And afterward I can always leave if I don't like it."
I cock my head to one side. "So that's it? Everything is roses?"
"I'm dating this really great guy."
"And that makes it perfect?" I lean forward in my chair. "Maddie, when are you going to learn that having other people in control of your life isn't going to solve anything. It will make you more angry and more cowardly. Take a big step. Be yourself. Not what you think society is forcing you or what you know your parents are forcing you to be. Just be Maddie. Stop looking in the mirror and just live. You said once you didn't want to have a practical life. Then don't have a practical life. Have a fantastical life have a horrifying life, have whatever type of life you want to have. You are not your parent's child you are your own person, now start acting like it." I look down at her. She's biting her cuticles and cracking her knuckles. "The real world's a scary place, but it's that much scarier when you trudge your way through it. Who says clouds can't be solid?" I bend down in front of her, "Who says you can't live happily ever after?"
I stand up and open the door. "You need to live for yourself. So start living."
She gets up from the chair and walks slowly through the door. She turns with her hand on the jamb and says, "Thanks."
