A response from Tirza:
An Amazing Cousin
Dana, Middle kid syndrome? I had planned to write about how you have conveniently left some older cousins off the list, and haven't accurately delved into the reality of your parents, aunts/uncles, grandparents history of becoming, but it sounded pompous so I'll just leave it as is. All I can really tell you about is myself.
As a cousin that made onto the list of wonderful, all I can tell you is that the good was an accident. I have been supernaturally lucky in my life. I have had to fight my own bouts of depression and self-hatred. Currently, I constantly questioned if what I am doing is important or meaningful and have seriously considered giving up studies (even though I am almost finished for good) to join the PeaceCorp (as have applied for further information and filled out a few things) and actually make a tangible difference in people's lives. Ironic, huh.
Also, I have felt that many in our family our terribly dissapointed in me, since I have pretty much decided that I will probably not have children but will instead concentrate on career and such. Possibly, I will adopt, since that has always been something I have wanted to do since I was really little. At the least, I have decided that once my life settles down and I become a successful candidate, I will become a foster mother. If you notice, more people in our family decide having children is imporant than the other way around.
Finally, the only reason I have stayed in school is, like your friend stated earlier, I personally like it. It brings me joy. And it will lead to my ultimate goal, wait for it...of becoming a teacher.
I guess it sounds like you aren't that different from at least on of your "amazing" cousins. Who, if you haven't figured it out by now, often considers herself a major, lucky f**k-up. I think you are doing just fine and will do better once you get yourself on a path. It doesn't have to be the "right" path since the great things about paths is they always intersect with more. School can be that path, but if you have already realized it's wrong then move on. Some really "amazing" people in this family only succeeded after leaving school (sometimes not by their own choice :))for a while and finding out about themselves.
If nothing else, you could travel abroad a bit, get a job as a tour guide or something. I mean, there is always a room open for you in England.
P.S. I know this ruins the drama of the moment to add this here, but I just HAD to comment on the love thing. O.K. love is work and it sucks and it's great, but it is really hard. The amount of times in 3 short years that I have come close to doing an on-line divorce is innumerable. Not to mention all the crap while dating. But, I just had to persevere. Oh, and eventually you grow to old blame hormones, especially when your on the pill and they have been forcibly stabilized, and then it becomes REALLY hard work.
And I am going to publicly tell you something that I have never shared with anyone. So appreciate. Believe or not, when I first became sexually active I was so surprised/greatful/shocked/awed that someone cared for me in that way and thought I was pretty enough to sleep with that I too became dependent and subservient. This caused a multitude of problems at the time, but eventually as I grew up with that person, and became more confident in myself it became evened out.
I guess I am telling you this because it seems to be a prevailing theme (or outright statement) in a lot of your entries. I can go into details if it will help. I'm not shy, but as you have stated your "rents & granrents" read this and since they are my aunt, uncle and granrents they probably don't want the gory details of my sex life. And if they do, then they can ask.
P.S.S. Sorry last thing. I want to apologize for not more thoroughly reading your blog earlier. A lot of this I should have told you years ago. And though there is not much I can do for it, I am sorry that I ended up so much older than you and lived so far away. If I had known I would have bothered you more. And now that I do know expect many more posts, strange phone calls, eventual visits and probably noogies.
As a cousin that made onto the list of wonderful, all I can tell you is that the good was an accident. I have been supernaturally lucky in my life. I have had to fight my own bouts of depression and self-hatred. Currently, I constantly questioned if what I am doing is important or meaningful and have seriously considered giving up studies (even though I am almost finished for good) to join the PeaceCorp (as have applied for further information and filled out a few things) and actually make a tangible difference in people's lives. Ironic, huh.
Also, I have felt that many in our family our terribly dissapointed in me, since I have pretty much decided that I will probably not have children but will instead concentrate on career and such. Possibly, I will adopt, since that has always been something I have wanted to do since I was really little. At the least, I have decided that once my life settles down and I become a successful candidate, I will become a foster mother. If you notice, more people in our family decide having children is imporant than the other way around.
Finally, the only reason I have stayed in school is, like your friend stated earlier, I personally like it. It brings me joy. And it will lead to my ultimate goal, wait for it...of becoming a teacher.
I guess it sounds like you aren't that different from at least on of your "amazing" cousins. Who, if you haven't figured it out by now, often considers herself a major, lucky f**k-up. I think you are doing just fine and will do better once you get yourself on a path. It doesn't have to be the "right" path since the great things about paths is they always intersect with more. School can be that path, but if you have already realized it's wrong then move on. Some really "amazing" people in this family only succeeded after leaving school (sometimes not by their own choice :))for a while and finding out about themselves.
If nothing else, you could travel abroad a bit, get a job as a tour guide or something. I mean, there is always a room open for you in England.
P.S. I know this ruins the drama of the moment to add this here, but I just HAD to comment on the love thing. O.K. love is work and it sucks and it's great, but it is really hard. The amount of times in 3 short years that I have come close to doing an on-line divorce is innumerable. Not to mention all the crap while dating. But, I just had to persevere. Oh, and eventually you grow to old blame hormones, especially when your on the pill and they have been forcibly stabilized, and then it becomes REALLY hard work.
And I am going to publicly tell you something that I have never shared with anyone. So appreciate. Believe or not, when I first became sexually active I was so surprised/greatful/shocked/awed that someone cared for me in that way and thought I was pretty enough to sleep with that I too became dependent and subservient. This caused a multitude of problems at the time, but eventually as I grew up with that person, and became more confident in myself it became evened out.
I guess I am telling you this because it seems to be a prevailing theme (or outright statement) in a lot of your entries. I can go into details if it will help. I'm not shy, but as you have stated your "rents & granrents" read this and since they are my aunt, uncle and granrents they probably don't want the gory details of my sex life. And if they do, then they can ask.
P.S.S. Sorry last thing. I want to apologize for not more thoroughly reading your blog earlier. A lot of this I should have told you years ago. And though there is not much I can do for it, I am sorry that I ended up so much older than you and lived so far away. If I had known I would have bothered you more. And now that I do know expect many more posts, strange phone calls, eventual visits and probably noogies.
