Dinner Conversation

The awkwardness is getting to me
Upset by fantasy destroyed by reality
The conversation is harder than the silence
Hurt by truth instead of comfortable fiction
Layers of facade stripped away like make up
Until the porous skin shows
I reach for powder and gloss
Some film of shielding
Prevented by the shedding of his jacket
"Been like this long?"
"Only all my life."

Childishness

I could have sworn

I was done
finished with the childish
game of wishing
finished with this waspish
attitude about him

I'm not
i still wish
and i still hope
and i still hurt

And i still get upset
that i can't seem to stop

Escape from Oz (for Shani)

she skips ahead of me
acting years younger than her age
humming the Wizard of Oz
while i walk sedately behind
thinking of Walden and Escapism
imagining making love to her
on the patch of green just past

my refuge from family worries
her wide-eyed view of the world.

Hockey Game

Long have I watched from aluminum bleachers
Hoping that my day on the team would come

But as I am called on to take left wing
I worry I may not be able to defend my puck

To be faulted on injury allows me time to help,
To coach my teammates to better careers
Yet I have never had one of my own

Each opportunity to prove my worth
Is quickly deflected to a more talented player

Even when forced to play
I find I deliberately get a penalty
So I may again watch from
my plastic viewing box

2 minutes go by before I am called out again
And to my relief
I am again switched out for a more talented player

My only worry is that I will someday
Be fired from the team
For too much watching
and not enough participation